Originally posted Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Going into the job I took I knew that I was going into something risky. I knew that everyday I would have to fight for what I was doing and to show people that I deserved to be there. I guess that sometimes I wonder when its going to be my time to feel comfortable. I wonder if it at some point I won’t be just a 25 year old starting out, and when my feet will be planted solidly in the ground.
What can I do to change the situation I am in? I feel cheated by the 5 years I spent in school to get a degree that doesn’t even guarantee me a job anymore- it doesn’t guarantee me a paycheck or a stable life. I don’t expect things to be handed to me, I know that is not how life works, but I have put in many years of hard work and continue to do so, yet sometimes I am grouped in with people who put in half the work and reap the same benefits. So where do we end up? Where do I go from here?
Go back to school…start all over? Pay another $40,000 for another piece of paper that may be a safer job, but that won’t necessarily make me happy, it wont make me proud of myself, it won’t make me feel complete, I will have given up on my dream.
Everyone always told me that I can be whatever I want to be when I grow up… maybe I am not grown up yet. Maybe I still have a lot of growing up to do or maybe I am in the middle of the process…maybe…
I guess my life is full of a lot of maybes…. and maybe right now I have to be okay with that….maybe that is what is right for now….maybe that will change soon… or maybe not.